Fair and Balanced

Because the recent politician personal scandals were not bipartisan enough, Fox News stepped in to save America. (Fox News puts the “partisan” in “bi-partisan”?)

Thank you, wise and respectful media. What would we ever do if we were left with nothing but DFH bloggers?

Now; can we please focus on the relevant stuff (a State had effectively no head of the Executive Power and a confused administration) and leave the irrelevant alone (ZOMGS! AFFAIR! HE SAID ‘FRIEND’! I BET THAT’S HOMO CODE FOR DUDE!). Pretty please? For fuck’s sake, it’s not like there’s real issues going on!

Observaciones sobre el juego Mexico-El Salvador

[Apologies to my gringo friends. I will try to translate this later]

Algunos pensamientos al medio tiempo:

  • Porque demonios siguen convocando a Arce? Ese guey no trae nada, lo que se dice nada. No dribla, no tiene tiro, corre pero nada fuera de lo normal. Me imagino que simplemente no hay volantes por derecha en el Futbol Mexicano. No se que le paso al venado Medina, que la verdad nunca respondio bien en la seleccion. Y el “cabrito” Arellano, que de todas formas seria mas peligro ofensivo que Arce, vive con problemas de lesiones que no le permiten recuperar su nivel. Pero no mames, ese guey no tiene nada. Me desespera que lo siguen llamando. Nunca ha hecho nada.
  • Guardado es el jugador que mas divierte ver de la seleccion. Me voy a robar un adjetivo de Joserra y decir que Guardado es un jugador de vertigo.
  • Que esta haciendo Rojas en la seleccion? Entiendo que no hay ya jugadores mexicanos ofensivos, pero no tengo dudas que hay mejores laterales derechos que este guey.
  • “Conejo” Perez? Enserio? Me cagan los llamados a consentidos, y se que todos los tecnicos tienen los suyos, pero en serio? Se que es historicamente portero de seleccion de los ultimos tiempos pero que hizo esta temporada? Y no lo digo solo porque jugo para el peor equipo de Mexico, los Tigres de la UANL. El guey como que paso mucho tiempo en Monterrey y le pego la influencia de Orozco y Martinez (del Monterrey, el mejor equipo de Mexico) de convertir cualquier balon por aire en jugada de gol. Motherfucker. Por favor Aguirre, llama y alinea a otros consentidos, pero no al Conejo. Estan Memo Ochoa y Corona, ya estuvo bueno de seguir llamando a Oswaldo y Conejo por el nivel que tenian hace cinco anhos.
  • Como hace falta Rafa Marquez. Impresionante.
  • Desde Benjamin Galindo, la seleccion no tiene un conductor de medio campo. Pavel es bueno, pero no tiene la vision ofensiva necesaria para que sea el jugador por el que pasan todos los balones.
  • Torrado debio haberse quedado en Espanha, cada anho juega peor.
  • Nery no trae nada de nivel. Necesita dejarse de idioteces, jugar para un equipo que lo necesite, recuperar el ritmo y volver a ser el jugador desequilibrante que puede ser.
  • Cuahutemoc por Arce. Por favor, Vasco.
  • Hoy mete gol Guille.
  • DEJEN DE TIRARSE AL PISO CADA QUE LOS TOCAN CON UNA CHINGADA! Cuando sea Soviet Supremo de Mexico, voy a pasar leyes que den de cinco a diez anhos de carcel a cabrones que se viven tirando el piso. Como Arce y Nery. Y como Luis motherfuckin’ Perez en cada final de Liga que jugo. Si hay algo que odio del futbol latino, es que parece que tuvieran tobillos de cristal los cabrones. Necesitan pasarles videos de Ligas de Europa. Y no me vengan con que los jugadores latinos no tienen la corpulencia de los europeos. Vean los chingados rosters de los equipos de Europa. Estan llenos de latinos y otros jugadores que no tienen el tamanho de Europeos del Norte. Aparte que quien chingados les manda ser unos huevones que no se preocupan en desarrollar sus habilidades atleticas? Vean a Guardado, ese cabron se para y se pone a corretear el balon. Por favor Vasco, vienes de dirigir al Atletico, pon orden.
  • Dejen de marcarle foul a Guille por proteger el balon. Que chingados quieren que haga? Que se quite para que el defensa pueda irse corriendo con el balon? Ni siquiera se esta haciendo para atras, solo esta impidiendo que el defensa pueda estar enfrente del balon. No se que chingadas reglas sigue este arbitro.
  • No entiendo como Osorio sigue cometiendo errores idiotas. Juegas en la bundesliga, cabron!
  • Espero que Leandro se haya recuperado de su lesion y juegue en vez de Pavel contra Trinidad. No confio en tener a Torrado y algun novaton maleta en medio campo. Hace falta alguien que lance a la ofensiva.
  • Si no supiera que equipos estan jugando, y solo estuviera viendo el video, nunca me hubiera pasado por la cabeza que un equipo tiene una liga que es aproximadamente 152 veces mas “fuerte” (economicamente y de nivel futbolistico) que el otro. Vergonzoso.
  • Como permiten que El Salvador tenga tanto tiempo el balon y salgan a puro balonazo para perder control del balon en menos de un minuto? Por favor mandenles DVDs de juegos del Barcelona.
  • Hay una crisis impresionante de jugadores de desborde, y goleadores en Mexico. Desde Borgetti, no hay otro goleador nato. Salvo Guardado, no hay otro jugador de desborde como Arellano.

Ok, voy a ver el segundo tiempo. Mas vale que de jodido empaten.

Mas opiniones despues del termino del partido:

  • A Cuahutemoc le falta entrar en ritmo, pero aun asi sigue generando jugadas. Otro indicativo mas de que tan pauperrima esta la situacion de volantes creativos en Mexico.
  • Porque sacar a Guardado? Nery no hizo nada en todo el juego?
  • Jugadores que no son de seleccion: Rojas, Conejo, Arce, Israel Castro (de los que jugaron hoy).
  • Falta que alguien tome control de medio campo.
  • Estan recurriendo demasiado al pelotazo. Que no se supone que Mexico era un equipo de toque de balon? No son de velocidad, no son de juego fisico, a que juegan entonces?
  • Cada vez tengo menos dudas de que si la seleccion jugo horrible bajo Sven, no fue por culpa de Sven. Estos cabrones parecen de liga dominguera aveces. Salvo honrosas excepciones, se ven bastante por debajo en cuanto a control y toque de balon de equipos fuertes (Europa+Argentina+Brasil).
  • Espero que este sea el ultimo juego que Mexico juega asi de mal.
  • Porfavor alguien implantele una pierna biomecanica a Rafa Marquez, y una rodilla de titanio al cabrito Arellano.
  • Espero que cuando no haya problemas de lesiones, los contenciones sean Leandro y Pavel, pero como estuvo de capitan Torrado, lo dudo. No se, no me acaba de convencer, se apresura mucho, y ya no trae el ritmo de hace anhos.
  • Tengo fe en el Vasco. No creo que ninguna seleccion de Mexico haya jugado un partido al nivel que jugo la seleccion del Vasco contra Italia en el mundial de 2002. Termino en empate, de pura suerte para los italianos casi de ultimo minuto, pero la seleccion les puso un baile, jugando a un ritmo impresionante. Se que eran otros jugadores, pero ese juego no se me olvida. Mas lo que no ha aprendido despues de estar dirigiendo por mas de cinco anhos en Espanha.
  • No soporto a los comentaristas de Telemundo (ni los de Univision). Se la pasan diciendo idioteces, y pidiendo tarjetas rojas por jugadas fuertes pero limpias. No se si entienden que el futbol profesional se juega con un ritmo e intensidad diferente al de ligas amateurs.
  • Mas vale que el Tri empiece a ganar consistentemente pronto.
  • El Salvador no trae absolutamente nada. Hasta el Necaxa les hubiera ganado.

On the virtues of Socialist* Public Transport and urban living

When was the last time you saw something like this during your hour-long commute on some traffic-ridden interstate?

*The fact that this was done on behalf of capitalist pigs promoting some opium-of-the-masses TV Show does not make it any less Communistical, natch. They speak dutch over there, for effessem’s sake!

Seriously, Catholic Church

foreman1

The regular treatment for Retrovirus is 10cc's of Moral Rectitude and Prayer.

Why must you insist on make me foam at the mouth (because clearly, all actions taken by people everywhere are done solely to gain a reaction from me) with indefensible shit your people spout? I mean, I don’t hate you. I know you do good things. I know lots of really incredible people belong and have belonged in your ranks, a large percentage of the people I love, included. I know one issue does not define you.

But come the fuck on. Condoms are part of the motherfuckin problem when it comes to combating AIDS in Africa? Really? Fuckin’ really?

I mean, if you think praying or whatever shit is a better way to fight AIDS, or whatever other earthly disease, go right the fuck ahead. Get the message out that this is your official view and prescription. Don’t massage it, don’t sugarcoat it. Own the message. Yours is always a righteous message. Never have you acted with nothing but God’s direct orders.

Because now I’m wondering as to what it is that you see as problematic about AIDS, given your prescription. See, for me? The problem is that people die. So, my main objective is to keep them from dying. Now to you, perhaps the real issue is not the AIDS-caused deaths, but the “moral decay” of which AIDS and AIDS-related deaths are but a symptom. Then, I can see how you’d think praying or telling people to be more moral and shit (because really, those kids born to HIV Positive moms who get HIV from birth really need to repent, not to mentioned raped people who get it, those sluts had it coming) deals with the heart of the issue, unlike a mere “here, use this which actually prevents AIDS.”

Following this train of thought, if one thinks of AIDS as a moral problem, then one is working under the assumption that only people with moral failings get AIDS. I cannot believe somebody who can read in more than one language can buy this crock of shit. Really? Is it still 1982?

The problem is not that lots of people are dying. The problem is that apparently their souls have been compromised or some such shit. Truly a group of people united in their charity.

Goddamnit, people!

See, this is the kind of shit that makes me suspicious of people who “love animals.” (Yes, I’m generalizing, I know you happen to have genuine affection for your pets and would never do anything to harm them or objectify them or anything like that). Animals are not a)Surrogate children, b)MOTHERFUCKING TOYS.

When I’m Supreme Soviet of the United Socialist Islamic States of America, I will send all these bastards to salt mines. That shit is animal abuse. I don’t care you abuse them smiling. Get ready to be relocated, nutjob!

Hat tip to Making Light.

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

The only chef worth rooting for. Suck it.

The only chef worth rooting for. Suck it.

What the hell is up with all the pro-Carla people lately? Seriously? I mean, seriously? I get it, she’s cooky and probably entertaining to some (I have to keep reminding myself that hurling a book at my LCD TV would make me want to hang myself every time she goes on about how she “puts love” in her food, or her “spirit” talk shit). But really? Have you been watching the same show I have?

You know, the one where Stefan has killed the competition repeatedly? I can’t remember a more dominant chef in Top Chef. Yeah, I thought last season was in Blaise’s pocket (I was happy with Stephanie winning, she also kicked ass), but he choked. Tough. Still, Stefan keeps proving he’s miles ahead of the rest. And before you start telling me how he’s an ass, allow me to pretort (preemptively retort, bitches!): So fucking what? Bastard can cook like a mofo.

This is not to mention how Carla, until the last what? Three episodes was always fucking up terribly and would somehow manage to avoid elimination. How many times was she on the bottom three because of some terribly, truly baffling mistake? And yes, my impression of her culinary abilities has greatly increased given the past few episodes, but still. I am thankful, though, that she’s at least not a douchebag like Lisa from S4. Sweet Jesus, she was not only unimaginative and miraculously avoiding elimination, but a total pain to watch. I know I might be threading close to a contradiction. Why am I cool with Stefan being an ass and Lisa not? Well, first of, I am willing to cut a lot of asshole-slack when said jerk is talented. But annoying hacks? Fuck that shit. Secondly, “being nice” only counts as extra-credit. You only consider it if somebody needs a hand. Basic sympathy. But if somebody is kicking ass, what the hell does it matter if he (rather intelligently) gets on competitor’s heads or if he’s (rightfully) cocky? He doesn’t need your sympathy, his cooking does all the talking needed. Carla needs her puzzling, odd, insane and apparently endearing to some behavior do part of the talking, is all I’m saying.

To sum it up: What the fuck, internets? Are you seriously rooting for some complete nutjob? LOVE IS A FEELING NOT A FLAVOR, GODSDAMNIT! DO I PAIR IT WITH TOFU IN AN ANTICIPATION-REDUCTION?

P.S. I have deliberately discussed Hosea at the length that his chances of winning deserve.

Liberal Media!

Sweet FSM, this is beyond retardiculous (retardedly ridiculous -and- ridiculously retarded. I got the trademark on the word, don’t try nothin’ funny). There is a news article on CNN dated Two-Thousand fuckin’ Nine, Anno Domini, whose title is, and I promise you I’m not making this shit up, Should your wife have guy-friends?*.

At first glance, it’s raising the horribly (and neanderthalic) unnecessary “issue” of married people starting or continuing friendships with people belonging to the gender that they are generally attracted to (Those poor bisexuals! They can have no friends!), which is plenty stupid on its own merits. Clearly people are still so close to our primate Darwinian forefathers (we were chimpanzees three thousand years ago, it’s a fact now that Obama is High Mullah. Suck it!) that we can’t form serious relationships that don’t involve romance and/or lust. You say there are no doubt people so insecure and/or stuck on the good ole days of the Spanish Inquisition (which is expected by nobody, remember)? Well, that’s only showing that there’s idiots amongst our Homo Sapiens ranks (shocking!), not that it’s a universal property.

Not content to leave it at that, they choose to turn it into a problem for the married women in the title, which to be fair, is not the way the full article goes. The article does talk about both married men and women who are best friends with people of the opposite gender (I don’t recall any non-straight examples), but the title oddly frames it as something only men should worry their spouses are doing. For clearly, men, being the head of the household has earned the divine right to do as he pleases. Behave, woman!

Also, the article goes on to say that it’s cool, totally not marriage-ruining, and in lots of cases an incredibly positive relationship in general to be buddies with someone you could procreate with, biologically speaking (See how I just pretended them gays don’t exist? Subtlety, bitches! Watch and learn). Which is certainly a good thing to say. But why on earth were they giving the notion that it is not cool serious consideration? Do we also need an article titled Should you not beat the crap out of your children if they don’t bring your beers cold enough? How about So you’ve been thinking about setting a burning cross on your dark-skinned neighbor’s lawn? Our Panel of experts addresses the issue. Why give stupid, pointless, clearly wrong ideas an air of validity?

Goddamn Liberal Media.

*Via Shakesville.