Fair and Balanced

Because the recent politician personal scandals were not bipartisan enough, Fox News stepped in to save America. (Fox News puts the “partisan” in “bi-partisan”?)

Thank you, wise and respectful media. What would we ever do if we were left with nothing but DFH bloggers?

Now; can we please focus on the relevant stuff (a State had effectively no head of the Executive Power and a confused administration) and leave the irrelevant alone (ZOMGS! AFFAIR! HE SAID ‘FRIEND’! I BET THAT’S HOMO CODE FOR DUDE!). Pretty please? For fuck’s sake, it’s not like there’s real issues going on!

WATB

A federal judge said Thursday that he wants to look at notes from the FBI’s interview with former Vice President Dick Cheney during the investigation into who leaked the identity of a CIA operative.

“If we become a fact-finder for political enemies, they aren’t going to cooperate,” Justice Department attorney Jeffrey Smith said during a 90-minute hearing. “I don’t want a future vice president to say, `I’m not going to cooperate with you because I don’t want to be fodder for ‘The Daily Show.'”

Protecting the feelings of the most self-absorbed, entitled, whiny, megalomaniac, divorced from reality clowns is a higher priority for the DoJ than stopping illegal actions from politicians and overall abuses of power.

Good to know, Obama Administration!

What the shit is up with the Dept. of Justice? No, really. What the deuce?

I’m sure any other person being accused of a criminal act will be entitled to the same legal defense. Today’s comedians spare nobody!

I feel cheated

Probably the story is not still straightened out yet, but my schadenfreude faded away when I read this post from Politico. Of course, still too early to know, yadda yadda yadda.

Political insiders in Nevada and in the Senate said that Ensign decided to acknowledge the affair publicly after the husband of the woman he had been seeing asked him for a substantial sum of money.

Sources said Ensign strayed while he was separated from his wife. The two have since reconciled.

I mean, sure, for extremist born-again nuts, any and all contact with females not belonging-by-marriage to you are a one way ticket to hell and fire and demons and fiery homos. But come on, it’s not nearly as juicy. Sure, the lady involved in the affair seems like she was not separated from her husband at the time or anything, so he was still making baby Jesus cry for making a married woman be unfaithful to her faithful husband. And it doesn’t negate the hypocrisy with the GOP’s non-procreational-sexy-times-is-grounds-for-impeachment shit either.

Still, I feel cheated. Dude trying to blackmail him is all class, though. I’ll take it as a “sorry to let you down” present.

Curse you, homos!

Your we-demand-to-be-treated-like-citizens antics were too much for the sanctity of Senator Ensign’s marriage to withstand.

I hope you are happy.

Poor bastard’s so getting impeached if word comes out he got a blowjob. Oh wait, nevermind.

Now I will go watch some incredibly athletic men run around in shorts, get all sweaty, and tackle each other to reaffirm my heterosexuality and secure the fate of any (hetero) relationship I may find myself in. I’m not taking any chances with these queers prancing about. Confederations Cup you are my only hope!

Big Brother, bitches

Don’t trouble your pretty little heads. This only means we are just safer than we thought we were from them terrists.

Doesn’t it feel awesome. Can’t wait for Cheney to pop up somewhere on cable news so we can all thank him. Where has he been, by the way? I haven’t heard from him in over 48 hours! I bet it’s just because the liberal media is so liberal.

Update: Protection of Former Presidents just got out of its September the tenth mentality. If we’re trying to keep the unwashed masses safe, it only follows that we should take extra care of our important peoples.

Free Market and increasing profit margins are teh awesomez

See, this very well illustrates why I feel that turning a necessary service, one that is required for the well-being of a population, into a profit race is not only stupid, but evil.

Karen Tumulty has the goods over at Swampland. Allow me to serve you this Amuse Bouche:

What Robin went through after that was a nightmare, one she tearfully described Tuesday morning in front of the House Energy and Commerce Committee’s oversight and investigations subcommittee. “The sad thing is, Blue Cross gladly took my high premiums, and the first time I filed a claim and was suspected of having cancer, they searched high and low for a reason to cancel me,” said Robin, whose hair is just beginning to grow back in from chemotherapy.

Fuck them. And their enablers. There’s plenty of areas and businesses where there’s nothing wrong with cutting corners to increase your profits. People’s health is not something that should be traded for some extra dough for a shareholder.

Seriously, I can’t wait for some goddamn Socialized Medicine*.

*Yeah, I know, nothing that’s been considered in the U.S. actually qualifies as socialized medicine. But it sounds sexier. Besides, the word socialist makes nutjobs pee their pants. And that’s always funny.

EDIT- Let me see if I can put it succinctly: The way things are right now, Health Insurers exist to make money. They are “regular companies.” Fuck that. Health insurance’s raison d’etre is to give access to health care to people who need it. And they keep proving way past any doubt could remain, that one does not bring the other as a side-effect. It is fuckin’ savage to leave it to greedy ruthless bastards to provide a necessary service. It’s kinda weird how most countries who are able to afford paying for such a system seem to have such little trouble getting it. I mean, except here. I bet it’s their lack of freedoms.

This is what happens when Jack Bauer is too busy

The Terrorists win.

Luckily once we start some enhanced interrogatin’ medieval shit on the terrorist and other likely suspects that terrify us all will be well and we’ll be able to stop any and all further terrorist attacks, right?

USA! USA! USA!

FREEDOMS!

NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!

EUROPE SUCKS!

P.S. When do we start cataloging all those religious Madrasas that indoctrinate and support all the groups that plot to destroy our freedoms on a daily basis? When do we get to call them terrorist enablers, and by extension, just as bad? Man, it feels great to not have to think about stuff and just go apeshit acting on your fears and resentments and start calling people names and being an overall extremist who denounces evil shit all the time. Shades of gray are for those who want the evildoers to win. DO YOU!?