Fair and Balanced

Because the recent politician personal scandals were not bipartisan enough, Fox News stepped in to save America. (Fox News puts the “partisan” in “bi-partisan”?)

Thank you, wise and respectful media. What would we ever do if we were left with nothing but DFH bloggers?

Now; can we please focus on the relevant stuff (a State had effectively no head of the Executive Power and a confused administration) and leave the irrelevant alone (ZOMGS! AFFAIR! HE SAID ‘FRIEND’! I BET THAT’S HOMO CODE FOR DUDE!). Pretty please? For fuck’s sake, it’s not like there’s real issues going on!

Dearest Mr. Lou Dobbs,

Go fuck yourself,  you instigating piece of shit.

Raul Flores thought federal agents had barged with guns drawn into his home in Arivaca, Arizona, in the middle of the night.

The woman and two men wore uniforms and identified themselves as U.S. Marshals. They claimed the house was surrounded. They said they were looking for an escaped prisoner, Flores’ wife told a 911 dispatcher.

But there was no backup waiting outside, and no fugitive. The marshals were imposters.

They had targeted Flores because they suspected he was a drug trafficker and they wanted to rob and kill him, according to the Pima County Sheriff’s Department.

As the intruders searched his home, Flores asked one of the men why his handgun was taped. The man responded by shooting and killing Flores.

“Someone just came in and shot my daughter and husband,” Flores’ wife frantically told 911. She tells the police operator that she was shot and left for dead with her husband, Raul Flores, 29, and daughter Brisenia, 9, who were both shot in the head.

Twelve days later police have the “marshals” in custody on charges of first-degree murder, burglary and aggravated assault. Police identified the suspects as Shawna Forde, 41, of Buena Vista, Arizona; Jason Eugene Bush, 34, of Kingman, Arizona; and Albert Robert Gaxiola, 42, of Tucson, Arizona.

May these fucking animals (or whoever did this, if the guys apprehended didn’t do it) rot in jail for the rest of their lives.

Happy now, Monsieurs Dobbs, Hannity, Limbaugh, Savage, et al?

When do we start waterboarding them so that they talk about all the underground vigilante terrorist cells plotting to murder inocents? 187 or so a month is the going rate, right? What about stress positions, sleep deprivation and all that fun stuff? We cannot take any chances, right? It’s all for the childrens.

USA! USA! USA!

…and can I have it in twenties, please?

This is hilarious, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these guys end up as Darwin Award recipients.

Two Japanese travelers trying to enter Switzerland were caught carrying $134 billion — yes, billion — in fake US Treasury bonds in a briefcase. The forgeries contained 249 securities with a face value of $500 million, several “worth” more than $1 billion, and several “Kennedy” bonds, which, um, are just totally made up to begin with

Now, what were these guys thinking. Did they realize just how much money $134 billion is?

Had the notes been genuine, the pair would have been the U.S. government’s fourth-biggest creditor, ahead of the U.K. with $128 billion of U.S. debt and just behind Russia, which is owed $138 billion.

They should’ve at least arrived with a fake Bill Gates ID. There’s some cool graphics on the post in The Atlantic.

WATB

A federal judge said Thursday that he wants to look at notes from the FBI’s interview with former Vice President Dick Cheney during the investigation into who leaked the identity of a CIA operative.

“If we become a fact-finder for political enemies, they aren’t going to cooperate,” Justice Department attorney Jeffrey Smith said during a 90-minute hearing. “I don’t want a future vice president to say, `I’m not going to cooperate with you because I don’t want to be fodder for ‘The Daily Show.'”

Protecting the feelings of the most self-absorbed, entitled, whiny, megalomaniac, divorced from reality clowns is a higher priority for the DoJ than stopping illegal actions from politicians and overall abuses of power.

Good to know, Obama Administration!

What the shit is up with the Dept. of Justice? No, really. What the deuce?

I’m sure any other person being accused of a criminal act will be entitled to the same legal defense. Today’s comedians spare nobody!

What. The. Fuck.

I don’t think many people would be surprised to read a news article dealing with sexual abuse in South Africa. Or AIDS. Etc, etc, etc. For better or worse, it’s kind of the usual reference for “horrible situation dealing with sex.” But a survey finding one in four South African men have raped someone?

I have no words.

Now, keep in mind life expectancy is pretty low, so I’m disinclined from the get-go to chalk it off as an “old pracitce on its way out.”

One in 20 men surveyed said they had raped a woman or girl in the last year.

Professor Rachel Jewkes of the MRC, who carried out the research, told the BBC’s World Today programme: “The absolute imperative is we have to change the underlying social attitudes that in a way have created a norm that coercing women into sex is on some level acceptable.

Oh man, I can’t wait for somebody to start cracking totally hilarious jokes about this horrible situation. I bet they will be awesome. Can’t wait for it to become obvious what rape really is, and stop the sadly still-widespread practice of acting like it really isn’t that big of a deal, come on. Way to ruin everything, liberal PC-Police! We also make fun of dudes getting raped, so it’s all fair!

Hopefully that 25% male population happens to be observant catholic. That way they’ll be fighting the real problem about AIDS by praying while raping without a condom, so they are safe from catching anything (because you know, the victims don’t count as people, so no need to worry about their emotional and physical damage).

I’m not sure I want to see a complementary survey on how many South African women have been raped.

Hot damn.

Fuck the RIAA

Fuck them right in their greedy bitch eyes.

A US jury on Thursday ordered a 32-year-old woman to pay 1.92 million dollars in damages for illegally downloading 24 songs in a high-profile digital piracy case.

And fuck everybody who helped make it so that a person was made to pay eighty thousand dollars per song to these bitches.

Oh and fuck you too, Lars Ulrich. Much as I enjoyed your latest album, which I gladly bought without need for coercing, kindly stick a drumstick up your ass whenever you get a chance to.

I feel cheated

Probably the story is not still straightened out yet, but my schadenfreude faded away when I read this post from Politico. Of course, still too early to know, yadda yadda yadda.

Political insiders in Nevada and in the Senate said that Ensign decided to acknowledge the affair publicly after the husband of the woman he had been seeing asked him for a substantial sum of money.

Sources said Ensign strayed while he was separated from his wife. The two have since reconciled.

I mean, sure, for extremist born-again nuts, any and all contact with females not belonging-by-marriage to you are a one way ticket to hell and fire and demons and fiery homos. But come on, it’s not nearly as juicy. Sure, the lady involved in the affair seems like she was not separated from her husband at the time or anything, so he was still making baby Jesus cry for making a married woman be unfaithful to her faithful husband. And it doesn’t negate the hypocrisy with the GOP’s non-procreational-sexy-times-is-grounds-for-impeachment shit either.

Still, I feel cheated. Dude trying to blackmail him is all class, though. I’ll take it as a “sorry to let you down” present.