Curse you, homos!

Your we-demand-to-be-treated-like-citizens antics were too much for the sanctity of Senator Ensign’s marriage to withstand.

I hope you are happy.

Poor bastard’s so getting impeached if word comes out he got a blowjob. Oh wait, nevermind.

Now I will go watch some incredibly athletic men run around in shorts, get all sweaty, and tackle each other to reaffirm my heterosexuality and secure the fate of any (hetero) relationship I may find myself in. I’m not taking any chances with these queers prancing about. Confederations Cup you are my only hope!

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