Fair and Balanced

Because the recent politician personal scandals were not bipartisan enough, Fox News stepped in to save America. (Fox News puts the “partisan” in “bi-partisan”?)

Thank you, wise and respectful media. What would we ever do if we were left with nothing but DFH bloggers?

Now; can we please focus on the relevant stuff (a State had effectively no head of the Executive Power and a confused administration) and leave the irrelevant alone (ZOMGS! AFFAIR! HE SAID ‘FRIEND’! I BET THAT’S HOMO CODE FOR DUDE!). Pretty please? For fuck’s sake, it’s not like there’s real issues going on!

Deep Thought: Earnest Edition.

If there is one “quality” I admire and that I would very much like to haver or attain -or whatever you want to call it- above all others, that’d be wisdom. I’ve always wished I was wise.

Not saying I think I’m particularly unwise, or anything; I’d like to think my desire for wisdom is not entirely futile. I’m just saying I would like to be or become a person who is wise. That’s all.

Alright, now you can go ahead and make fun of me. You smartasses.

Dearest Mr. Lou Dobbs,

Go fuck yourself,  you instigating piece of shit.

Raul Flores thought federal agents had barged with guns drawn into his home in Arivaca, Arizona, in the middle of the night.

The woman and two men wore uniforms and identified themselves as U.S. Marshals. They claimed the house was surrounded. They said they were looking for an escaped prisoner, Flores’ wife told a 911 dispatcher.

But there was no backup waiting outside, and no fugitive. The marshals were imposters.

They had targeted Flores because they suspected he was a drug trafficker and they wanted to rob and kill him, according to the Pima County Sheriff’s Department.

As the intruders searched his home, Flores asked one of the men why his handgun was taped. The man responded by shooting and killing Flores.

“Someone just came in and shot my daughter and husband,” Flores’ wife frantically told 911. She tells the police operator that she was shot and left for dead with her husband, Raul Flores, 29, and daughter Brisenia, 9, who were both shot in the head.

Twelve days later police have the “marshals” in custody on charges of first-degree murder, burglary and aggravated assault. Police identified the suspects as Shawna Forde, 41, of Buena Vista, Arizona; Jason Eugene Bush, 34, of Kingman, Arizona; and Albert Robert Gaxiola, 42, of Tucson, Arizona.

May these fucking animals (or whoever did this, if the guys apprehended didn’t do it) rot in jail for the rest of their lives.

Happy now, Monsieurs Dobbs, Hannity, Limbaugh, Savage, et al?

When do we start waterboarding them so that they talk about all the underground vigilante terrorist cells plotting to murder inocents? 187 or so a month is the going rate, right? What about stress positions, sleep deprivation and all that fun stuff? We cannot take any chances, right? It’s all for the childrens.

USA! USA! USA!

Rey Mysterio Announcement

It’s been at least 5 days in a row that people land on this here blog by searching wordpress for Rey Mysterio (no doubt because of this post). And being the man of the people that I am, I hereby make a blogpost for all your Rey Mysterio needs! I am nothing if not committed to the rights of the masses.

So here’s Rey Mysterio’s wiki page.
Here are some youtube videos of Rey Mysterio.
And his most famous move is the 619

A swift and devastating rebuttal to that heathen PZ Meyers

Didn’t you stop to consider that maybe it was all the prayer what moved those doctor’s hands, and kept all that expensive medical equipment from a spontaneous quantum evaporation?

Yeah. I didn’t think so, heathen!

*Via Booman.

…and can I have it in twenties, please?

This is hilarious, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these guys end up as Darwin Award recipients.

Two Japanese travelers trying to enter Switzerland were caught carrying $134 billion — yes, billion — in fake US Treasury bonds in a briefcase. The forgeries contained 249 securities with a face value of $500 million, several “worth” more than $1 billion, and several “Kennedy” bonds, which, um, are just totally made up to begin with

Now, what were these guys thinking. Did they realize just how much money $134 billion is?

Had the notes been genuine, the pair would have been the U.S. government’s fourth-biggest creditor, ahead of the U.K. with $128 billion of U.S. debt and just behind Russia, which is owed $138 billion.

They should’ve at least arrived with a fake Bill Gates ID. There’s some cool graphics on the post in The Atlantic.

Counting to ten

Fuming over goddamn idiots and animals everywhere is no way to start the weekend. Yeah, I’ll shoot myself before I submit to the no good goddamn new age hippie belief that thinking possitive will somehow fix stuff (tree hugging version of religious prayer, if you ask me). And not thinking about it doesn’t change anything. But goddamn, I know I can get pretty annoying when I’m doing nothing but shouting and bitching. So I’ll do everybody a favor and play some good music, go play Futbol and go back to my barely bearable self.

As a peace offering, I’ll link this (SURPRISE!) early-to-mid 90s song (all decent versions have disabled embedding, wtf!?): Jovanotti’s Penso Positivo (he is a no good hippie himself nowdays, the irony gods are cruel bitches, no doubt). Italian funky-rock-hiphop. It’s got a nice beat, it sounds cool and I love it. It also calms me.