Observations on the Champion’s League Final

That's my friend in the Rey Mysterio mask. Yes, he was at the Champions' League Final in Rome. Why yes, I do hate him very much indeed.

That's my friend in the Rey Mysterio mask. Yes, he was at the Champions' League Final in Rome. Why yes, I do hate him very much indeed.

So, here are my thoughts and ramblings about today’s game:

  • Barcelona plays ridiculously well. ManU is overhyped  by the anglocentric press who is dazzled by the pace and physicality of the Premier League. Not that they are not an excellent team, of course.
  • I loathe Cristiano Ronaldo. What a whiny little prancing bitch. He is a very skilled player, crazy fast and quick with his foot. He, for some reason, likes to do about 6.3 times as much fancy footwork dribbling than he needs to get past defenders. It’s like he can’t run five meters without passing his foot over the ball at least once. He also shoots way too much. I don’t watch all that many PL matches, but I assume they don’t field middleschoolers on goal on a regular basis.
  • Rooney seems really prone to get lost in a game unless he’s given way too much free field to run in.
  • Paul Scholes keeps forgetting that he’s not playing Thai Boxing. What the fuck is wrong with that thug, and the people who keep enabling his delusion of soccer playing?
  • Gerard Piquet is going to make it exceedingly hard for Rafa Marquez to be back in the starting lineup. It pisses me off that he is only 22.  He’s not Cesc Fabregas, but still.
  • I will take Iniesta over Xavi any day. While Iniesta is more fragile and seems less troubled by falling at little contact (which I hate), he moves/passes forward more often than backwards. I can’t say why, but I’ve never been entirely crazy about Xavi, as good and dominant of the midfield as he is. Tough crowd, I know.
  • Messi doesn’t seem quite in his best rhythm. It might be where they put him today (more like a 9 rather than his usual right wing spot), or that Barcelona’s degree of play build-up pretty much kills his chances at running like the maniac he is.
  • Barcelona’s Henry is about 25% the player that was Arsenal’s Henry.
  • Eto’o keeps scoring in plays you don’t think are scoring oportunities. My money is on catalan gypsy magic.
  • ManU should be applauded for choosing to play actual football and lose, unlike that farce of a team that is Chelsea (Drogba and Cech notwithstanding, everybody else pretty much can choke on a scone; specially John Terry). Corollary:  Chelsea supporters should pick a new team if they plan on watching football anytime soon.
  • If 4’6″ Messi beats 7’10” Ferdinando and 8’3″ van der Saar on a cross and scores a header, you really need to get back to basics.
  • Tevez is a really energetic athlete and loads of fun to watch. Too bad he’s also a whiny diva who seems to have forgotten how to play when your team is not already up 2-0. Corollary: ManU seems entirely uncapable of handle a game they are not already winning.
  • Is Pep Guardiola a genius? Was the team sabotaging Rijkard? It all makes little sense.
  • As much as it delights me to watch the ridiculously overwhelming ball-control football that Barcelona is so flawlessly practicing right now, I got to say I miss Ronaldinho. Sue me.
  • Carles Puyol is a center back. I know this was an emergency, but damn, he really looked awkward as a right back. At least, he had the good sense to not do at least eight horrible crosses that almost leave the stadium per half, like that moron Dani Alves (please get a new right back, that guy may run like a mofo, but can’t fuckin pass). He also almost scored, got injured in the process, and still ran back and schooled that bitch Ronaldo. I mean CR7. Yeah, that doesn’t look way fuckin’ lame at all, douchebag.
  • The black hole at the center of the galaxy laughed uncontrollably when CR7 (lulz) first violently (and unnecessarily) slide tackled Puyol, not getting the yellow card any other player would’ve gotten. And then proceeded to elbow Puyol in the chest when he made little baby Ronnie incapable of reaching a ball that went out the goal line, finally getting his hard-earned yellow. Then he proceeded to whine, bitch and moan, accusing a fellow player of overreacting to get the ref to show  a card. Yes, Ronaldo not only fouled, but bitched about other player’s natural reaction to actually being hit by other players. Man, it’s gotta be really weird to not know what it is to be fouled, to the extent that the concept of being hit and pretending to be hit change meanings and reactions in your brain.
  • Why does Ronaldo want to leave ManU for Real Madrid, again? He’s going from a team who’s won the last two Leagues, and made the last two Champion’s Finals, to a team that didn’t win the league, and got nowhere in the champions? Do they pay in crack cocaine at Bernabeu? Also, Real Madrid supported Fascism. Fact. (This fact is overlooked whenever one thinks of the greats Zidane and Redondo and the ridiculous shit they did while at Madrid).
  • I agree with Barry Glendenning, this is the best football chant ever (thanks, ManU fans!):

    • Park! Park! Wherever you may be! You eat dogs in your home country! But it could be worse, you could be Scouse! Eating rats in your council house!”
  • Think of how good this game would have been had Barcelona been able to field its full A-team. No, that does not include Dani Alves.
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