I feel for Cindy McCain

I really do.

I swear he hit my fist with his face!

Dean Grose, the Mayor of some town in California sent a hysterical email to his bestest buddies and/or coworkers (a black person included, cause you know he ain’t no racist!) depicting the White House Lawn turned into a watermelon patch, lamenting that this year it might be impossible to have an easter egg hunt, due to those delicious fruits being all over the place. Oh man, such a non-sequitor! I mean, why would one think about watermelons and the current White House!? It’s like something straight from a Ionesco play or a Monty Python skit! What a comedic genius!

Then of course, some PC, no-humor communist complained about some alleged stereotype linking blacks and watermelons. WTF!!!???!!

Understandably, (soon-to-be-ex) Mayor Grose explained that he, just as I’m sure every other red-blooded american, was absolutely unaware about blacks-and-watermelon jokes. He’s just a victim, can’t you see? And you know what, now that I think about it, blacks seem to love watermelons! Hilarious!

Oh man, you know what else is hilarious? Mexicans love to eat beans! I bet I can start a stand-up routine with a joke about that!

Tip o’ the hat to Sadly, No!

Your postmodern GOP

Poochie

Poochie (R - North Takoma)

Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man! –Michelle Bachmann (R-MN)

Yup. That’s a quote. It’s like they have made it their chief concern to never again be parodied by anybody, under any circumstances. They are truly making it impossible to add any kind of snark to what they say.

I can’t wait for the day when the response to the State of the Union begins with yo, check it.

Check yo’self befo’ yo wreck yo’self, GOP.

Confession time

I cannot stand the acronym/buzzword/stupid-ass pseudoword “EVOO.”

There, I said it.

Conservatives as Revolutionaries

…whoddathunk?

I am having trouble with this odd mix of uncontrollable laughter, bafflement and unhealthy amounts of unintended ironing.

WOLVERINES!!!111!!*

*It applies since Glorious Soviet Mullah Obama X is a no good foreign commie who usurped the presidency.

P.S. Somebody needs to Che-ify Hannity and/or Rush. About time the right wing college faux revolutionaries got their own easy-to-identify uniform. To stimulate the economy, you know.

Dear (State) Senator Schultheis,

…kindly go fuck yourself, then proceed to jump off the cliff of your choice.

What a fucking hateful, ignorant monster. Good ole Heartland American Christian Loving Values, Motherfuckers!

kidfinger

Tip o’ the hat to Atrios.

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

The only chef worth rooting for. Suck it.

The only chef worth rooting for. Suck it.

What the hell is up with all the pro-Carla people lately? Seriously? I mean, seriously? I get it, she’s cooky and probably entertaining to some (I have to keep reminding myself that hurling a book at my LCD TV would make me want to hang myself every time she goes on about how she “puts love” in her food, or her “spirit” talk shit). But really? Have you been watching the same show I have?

You know, the one where Stefan has killed the competition repeatedly? I can’t remember a more dominant chef in Top Chef. Yeah, I thought last season was in Blaise’s pocket (I was happy with Stephanie winning, she also kicked ass), but he choked. Tough. Still, Stefan keeps proving he’s miles ahead of the rest. And before you start telling me how he’s an ass, allow me to pretort (preemptively retort, bitches!): So fucking what? Bastard can cook like a mofo.

This is not to mention how Carla, until the last what? Three episodes was always fucking up terribly and would somehow manage to avoid elimination. How many times was she on the bottom three because of some terribly, truly baffling mistake? And yes, my impression of her culinary abilities has greatly increased given the past few episodes, but still. I am thankful, though, that she’s at least not a douchebag like Lisa from S4. Sweet Jesus, she was not only unimaginative and miraculously avoiding elimination, but a total pain to watch. I know I might be threading close to a contradiction. Why am I cool with Stefan being an ass and Lisa not? Well, first of, I am willing to cut a lot of asshole-slack when said jerk is talented. But annoying hacks? Fuck that shit. Secondly, “being nice” only counts as extra-credit. You only consider it if somebody needs a hand. Basic sympathy. But if somebody is kicking ass, what the hell does it matter if he (rather intelligently) gets on competitor’s heads or if he’s (rightfully) cocky? He doesn’t need your sympathy, his cooking does all the talking needed. Carla needs her puzzling, odd, insane and apparently endearing to some behavior do part of the talking, is all I’m saying.

To sum it up: What the fuck, internets? Are you seriously rooting for some complete nutjob? LOVE IS A FEELING NOT A FLAVOR, GODSDAMNIT! DO I PAIR IT WITH TOFU IN AN ANTICIPATION-REDUCTION?

P.S. I have deliberately discussed Hosea at the length that his chances of winning deserve.