Restoring Faith in Government

Ever since the execution of Order Sixty-Six, I’ve been (I’d hope understandably) terribly leery of Executive Orders. That shit just wasn’t right, man.

But here comes Dear Glorious New Leader of the Socialist Reawekening and basically tells me “Come on, give me a chance” with the signing of the Executive Order that instructs the CIA to shut their secret super-fun-times-it’s-just-like-college-frat-hazing-I-swear prison network and ditto for Gitmo.

Was I a person of any less moral caliber, I’d be thinking of performing my best rendition of Marilyn Monroe’s “Happy Birthday, Mister President.”

Now, if you throw in Universal Health Care, legally affirming the right of all adults to marriage, a peaceful long-lasting resolution to the Israel-Palestine conflict, a stronger Social Security system, the abolition of the Death Penalty, a far more progressive Tax Code, the decriminalization of weed, stronger and fairer regulations to financial institutions, a transformation of the ridiculously wasteful paradigm for “comfortable living” into something sustainable and better for the common good together with green policies, joining the International Criminal Court, oh! and declaring the Spurs-Suns Western Conference Semifinal Series of aught-seven void and a mockery to the human spirit, and you will see me on the youtube internets singing Happy Birthday to Dear Leader as the world cringes and reaches for the brain bleach.

Seriously, that shit on Game 3 was ridiculous, all parties involved in that travesty deserve time. Let them play the dirtiest, most disgustingly rule-tiptoeing basketball in recent history, knee Steve Nash in the groin so that two teammates get ejected and that fucking butcher pretending to be a basketball player named Bruce Bowen gets nothing? Are you fucking shitting me? Send the refs to federal prison, and the entire 07 roster of the Spurs get to do community service by becoming the Washington Generals until they retire. In 2036. Or until basketball is banned for being an oppressive tool of the Capitalist class to keep the proletariat entertained while they continue to exploit them.

Come on, President Obama, do what’s right for the country. We can’t start the healing process until that shameful playoff series is corrected.



One Response

  1. You skipped ARAB or MUSLIM in your description of our great socialist first citizen.

    You will be collected for reeducation shortly.

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