Are you ready for Super Sunday?

You probably think you are, but let me tell you something: You are not.

ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck!!!!!!!!

PAUL MCCARTNEY IS PLAYING COACHELLA!

PAUL MCCARTNEY IS PLAYING COACHELLA!

PAUL MCCARTNEY IS PL@@#FS

@#%@% MGHRSFJYJEFR

#$ETGDFHHYW$^

Finish all your vegetables… and don’t forget about the dirt!

Dirt is the new superfood, bitches!

It’s science, can’t argue with that, so go serve yourself a good ole bowl of healthy dirt and worms, make yourself a mud cake. Your body will love you for it.

Who’s next?

It appears the Illinois State Legislature voted unanimously to kick out (former) Gov. Blagojevich after a trivial four-day hearing and overall national media circus. Unanimous, prompt. No messing around. Nicely done, Ladies and Gents.

I believe I am not alone when I wonder: how long will it take the next elected Governor of Illinois to be kicked out/sent to jail/indicted on corruption-related charges?

Me? I’m going with year and a half. Come on Chicago Politicians, don’t let me down!

Rainy Day

Unlike other, more fortunate areas of the nation, Long Island is getting some shitty-ass rain after some pretty mild overnight snow. I hate it. Rain sucks by itself, but when it destroys its far superior and denser cousin, snow, that shit’s just mean.

It got me thinking about rainy day music. I think we all have some music that just sounds better or fits better the mood or what have you when it’s raining. For me, rain equals Portishead.

So here is Portishead’s ‘All mine.’ I foresee listening to this song more than once today.

What’s your Rainy Day Music of choice?

P.S. Please get back to blanketing us in snow, Mother Nature, you vicious harlot.

Oh gods

Somethings that have been read cannot be unread. Like this one here. Please somebody tell me it’s a parody site, like Stuff White People Like or whatever. Otherwise I’m going to need to bleach my brain. This is too much.

God, I hate fuckin’ airhead nutjob yuppie scum culture.

SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP! OH GODS IT’S EATING MY BRAIN!

Liberal Media!

Sweet FSM, this is beyond retardiculous (retardedly ridiculous -and- ridiculously retarded. I got the trademark on the word, don’t try nothin’ funny). There is a news article on CNN dated Two-Thousand fuckin’ Nine, Anno Domini, whose title is, and I promise you I’m not making this shit up, Should your wife have guy-friends?*.

At first glance, it’s raising the horribly (and neanderthalic) unnecessary “issue” of married people starting or continuing friendships with people belonging to the gender that they are generally attracted to (Those poor bisexuals! They can have no friends!), which is plenty stupid on its own merits. Clearly people are still so close to our primate Darwinian forefathers (we were chimpanzees three thousand years ago, it’s a fact now that Obama is High Mullah. Suck it!) that we can’t form serious relationships that don’t involve romance and/or lust. You say there are no doubt people so insecure and/or stuck on the good ole days of the Spanish Inquisition (which is expected by nobody, remember)? Well, that’s only showing that there’s idiots amongst our Homo Sapiens ranks (shocking!), not that it’s a universal property.

Not content to leave it at that, they choose to turn it into a problem for the married women in the title, which to be fair, is not the way the full article goes. The article does talk about both married men and women who are best friends with people of the opposite gender (I don’t recall any non-straight examples), but the title oddly frames it as something only men should worry their spouses are doing. For clearly, men, being the head of the household has earned the divine right to do as he pleases. Behave, woman!

Also, the article goes on to say that it’s cool, totally not marriage-ruining, and in lots of cases an incredibly positive relationship in general to be buddies with someone you could procreate with, biologically speaking (See how I just pretended them gays don’t exist? Subtlety, bitches! Watch and learn). Which is certainly a good thing to say. But why on earth were they giving the notion that it is not cool serious consideration? Do we also need an article titled Should you not beat the crap out of your children if they don’t bring your beers cold enough? How about So you’ve been thinking about setting a burning cross on your dark-skinned neighbor’s lawn? Our Panel of experts addresses the issue. Why give stupid, pointless, clearly wrong ideas an air of validity?

Goddamn Liberal Media.

*Via Shakesville.