Serious Foreign Policy Thinkers you can believe in!

McCain = Jack Bauer. (This is your cue to Cheney me and put me out of my misery)

MC: You liken Obama to Britney in your famous ad, while portraying yourself as the more serious candidate. Which celebrity would you like to be compared to? Bob Dylan? Jack Nicholson?
McCAIN:Kiefer Sutherland. [laughs, imitates a voice from the show 24] “It’s Jack Bauer.” We have a lot in common because he escapes all the time.

MC: Um, he’s also a torturer.
McCAIN: Yeah, that’s right. That’s where Jack and I disagree. He believes in torture, but I don’t. He says, “Tell me where the weapons are.” The person says, “I won’t.” Bam! “OK, I’ll tell.”

So, John McCain, the epitome of super serious foreign policy thinker sees himself as a real life Jack Bauer. This is of course neither a sign of horribly dangerous delusion (thinking that one should approach pretty important and delicate issues as if we’re living in some tv show), nor a pander to the army of Rambo wannabes on his base! Shut up, hippy! Get a haircut! Don’t you know he was a PoW!?

It’s pretty hilarious that the interviewer from Marie frakkin Claire immediately pointed out that Jack Bauer, much like his republican chickenhawk buddies, are all for torture when inflicted upong them brown peoples who unless you torture them will destroy America, and if you torture them they sure won’t! Life is full of binary outcome events, bitches!!!

Wait a minute! you say, he was a PoW! He would never condone torture. Check. Mate. Hippy! Get a job, damnit! you further demand of me.

Sadly,  as the people at Think Progress point out:

He voted against a bill that would have banned the CIA from using waterboarding — which is torture — and when the bill passed, McCain urged Bush to veto it, which he did.

Can I get a How mavericky! from the congregation?

This reminds me yet again of how much I wish those side effects that you hear on every drug commercial and herpes on the people responsible for 24.

Can we please, for the love of all that is holy (hint: it’s FSM), stop with these goddamn bullshit “personality interviews”? NEWSFLASH: WE ARE NOT VOTING FOR FUTURE BESTEST BUDDY WHO I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ALL THE TIME TILL RAPTURE COMES! Can somebody please start asking them shit that’s goddamn relevant to the VERY FUCKING IMPORTANT JOB that they are aspiring to? Have the past eight years taught us -nothing-? BEING PRESIDENT IS KIND OF A BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW!?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

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