From the Annals of “You have got to be effing shitting me”…

  • Fox News referring to Michelle Obama as “Obama’s Baby Mama“. Why the hell does this network still have some measure of respectability amongst some people? No, seriously. Why? LOL SHES BLACK SO ITS KEWL TO CALL HER BABY MAMA RITE?
  • President Bush feeling a little bit discomfited that he may be remembered as a man of not-peace and ponies and rainbows and chocolate chip cookies. Protip: Don’t invade countries for no damned good reason, have a bunch of people killed and give carte blanche for all kinds of abuses. Also, “Bring ’em on!” and the whole “Dead or Alive!” bullshit, is just what kids are taught to say in those UN models. Clearly retard cowboy diplomacy is all about peaceful coexistence!
  • Bill O’Reilly (I know, shocker!) gives us a lesson in effective, concise communication. It only takes one sentence to convey two ideas: 1) The only place where one finds lack of moral values is in the inner-city. 2) Upper Middle class kids never behave like little d-bags.
  • You’ve probably already seen this in a bunch of places, but it still pisses me off. Fox News (they’re going to be a non-stop horseshit machine at least till November) and their “terrorist fist jab.” If you didn’t, well here’s The Daily Show’s take. Now, if their hope was to expose this terrorist version of the super secret handshake, it appears to be sadly too late. TERRORISTS ARE EVERYWHERE ALREADY! Quick go seal your house with duct tape! It appears the little moron who said this, offered a weak “I was told I have to do this, but I think it’s bullhshit” pseudo apology, also it appears her program is being canceled. Don’t worry! they have plenty of little morons ready to spout crap warming up in the benches.
  • Chef Lisa making it to the Season Finale of Top Chef. Seriously, wtf. I do understand that chefs are evaluated on a this-day-only basis. But still, she’s a mediocre (in comparison to the other contestants, I’m sure she can cook better than everybody I know), one-dimensional chef. Who seems to be a really annoying person, but I’m happy to ignore that and just focus on her uncontestable subparness. She shouldn’t even have made it to the Top 8. Head Judge Tom Colicchio explains here how it is that judging works and why it’s practically impossible to judge on any kind of cumulative basis. I understand and I know I’m not there able to taste their food, so I can buy what he’s saying, but I’m still really really very much of the opinion she should’ve been sent home ages ago. Come on, she was in the bottom two, about to be sent packing her knives HALF OF THE EPISODES! Since I’m Top Chef ranting, let me say this: Ilan (Season 2’s winner) is a one trick pony and he shouldn’t have won. Marcel’s awesome line “I thought it would take more than saffron to beat me” is one I agree with, and I think he should’ve won. The guy can only cook spanish food! I mean, I like spanish food, but what the hell? That’s literally -all- he can do.
  • The Mexican sports Press continuously and incessantly acting (and of course, trying to convince their audience) as if there is no meaningful difference between having Sven-Goran Erikkson as a coach for the national team (he was just signed about a week ago), and some coach from the Mexican League. Let me put it this way for my non-soccer savvy friends (and even those soccer savvy ones that aren’t too familiar with Mexican Soccer): picture some German basketball team (They have a pro league) has just hired Greg Popovich. Then all the local media goes crazy saying that they should’ve gone for some local coach, because he knows the local league better. And we don’t need no smarty pants foreigner to get paid what coaches of his caliber earn to tell us how to play! That’s not a way to improve! Yes, it is that fucking retarded. The inestimable Jose Ramon Fernandez seems to be again, the lone voice of reason. Too bad for the country he’s now in ESPN Deportes, which a lot of people in Mexico don’t have access to.
  • This is more sad than “you have got to be effin shitting me” material, but I’m too lazy to make a separate post, besides it’s not enough to merit a post of its own, so let’s call it an Appendix. Goddamn troglodytes of the world, still to this day and age -the goddamned twenty first century, THE FUTURE!- putting enough pressure on women to be virgins when they wed that they are flocking to have hymen-restoration surgery. Now, the articles I’ve read lately focus on Muslim women living in Europe, but as somebody who grew up in Mexico, I can attest that there is still a pretty hefty social-moral weight on women to be “pure” (whatever the fuck that means) when they get married. Maybe not (yet) to the extent of having surgery so her husband’s tiny penis doesn’t feel even tinier from unspeakable shame, but still. It’s far from being a muslim-centric phenomenon. Seriously, fellow males. Let it go. Stop being such shitbags. It’s really not that important.

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